About Joics

这就是国际化，一天发了22封工作邮件，打了三个多小时电话，NND
最近天天叫饿，天天睡不醒，也被压的有点焦虑了。
结果一回家，立刻生机勃勃了。
今天看到国际站一大牛的博客，才想起来好久没来这里了:P

在陌生的街头游荡，经常会对自己所处的空间时间产生一种空白感。

节假日出游确实相当的不爽，烈日当头，嘈杂川流不息的人群，大同小异的城市建筑，让我对于城市的观赏毫无兴趣。

所幸原本也不为景观，只为朋友间的相互走动而已。身在媒体圈的朋友饭桌上的话题是社会、经济、民生、政府，都是别人的事儿，谈的让人经常无语。倒也不是新近才知道这些，但是每次听到仍然觉得相当的不舒服。有趣的是越是政治属性越浓烈的媒体，内部反D的情绪越是浓烈。想到这点，对于自己工作经常加班，薪水又少的那点愁苦倒也消散了很多，毕竟不用经常纠结震撼的活着。

朋友的状态个个都挺好，小芳芳依然像奔腾的小溪，阿莲的生活平静安稳，羡慕死人了。五一一过，杭州的夏天来了，我也要与时俱进了。

虽然我很少谈起工作，可这一次，我说的真是工作。
震撼的时刻有一些吧，特别是当第一次亲自见证秒批的惊喜。

这样的时刻，容易让我想起在HUST的岁月
凌晨的马路上，一行人吃完烧烤在沉醉的春风中游荡，偶尔说些鬼怪之类的故事。
然后会在工作室度过一个又一个让人难以忘怀的深夜。

答应一个朋友，要写点工作之后的感受。非常抱歉，现在我依然没有做好准备。如同在深海里游泳，越向前越觉得世界神秘，越来越不敢对世界的存在有半点过多评论。我禁锢了神思，只为了集中所有的力气在这深邃的世界中保持平衡。灵魂与现实本来就是两条道路，在某段时间里，我只想学着积极入世，并且努力现世安稳。

你会发现，你内心对自己越残忍，你的脚步就可以走的更加平和自如。你会发现，你身后的过去，往往都是觉今是而昨非。你会发现，你所经历的失败不在具有任何光环，而只是作为任何一个稀疏平常的必经的学习起步的基础阶段，让你能有一些内力能够把目光更好的聚集在向前的路。你会发现，你会渐渐有选择的与人交往，有选择的表露情绪，有选择的选择自己的生活。你会发现，你会越来越关注自己的单行道，当你将注意力集中于现在和明天，你会体验到精彩无比的生活奇妙。你会发现，你对这世界越来越爱。

你问我入社会后的感觉，我要告诉你，所有的经历所有的感觉都是如鱼饮水，冷暖自知。我能同你分享的是，我这里正经历着曼妙的春天，但愿你那里也是晴朗的好天气。

I can swim the whole swimcourt, hah..

写了一遍又一遍的东西，一遍又一遍的删除。
在轰轰烈烈的生活里，你的匮乏无处遁形，你的软弱无知羞赧的说不出口。
我觉得我要告别博客了，实在写不下去了。如歌者唱：千言万语，埋藏在沉默的梦里。
在轰轰烈烈的生活里，只能以尽可能的谦逊谨慎，努力朝向关于自己的年轻的梦想。

it was the same day as those days that i left home for school. 

Father took up my backpack, and little brother help me pull my luggage, mama and i were hurry up to the bus station. Bus was coming, and they wished my new life and waved goodbye to me , the same way as before, and the same sentiment I had as before. 

I was about to sleep as usual, and suddenly someone called my name. I opened my eyes and was so surprised that it was one of my middle school classmates standing in front of me, when I came to react, I found they were all on the bus. Yang、run、kun.. they were boys who I knew much in my middle school, but since I went for my senior school, I had not seen them again. That was more than 10 years !  At that moment I was a little embarrassed and did not know what to say. I could also feel the same smell from them. Ten years time has totally made us strange, Long silence..and the rest of the time, I tried to recall my old days but seemed not good. In my memory, there boys were smart and cute in my teenager , but now I only felt strange, they were not as tall as my memory , I didn`t know why they were here together, I didn`t know how these years they were. 

Coincidentally, at that night, I met my best senior friend at KFC. We came back to the senior school.  Until now i could remeber the feeling that I had that night.  Time has changed life and we could never get back. Senior school changed a lot, graduates were located in an new area of school, but we could still see the familiar basket-ball court and stadium, and we happened to hear the ringbell. This famous senior school has come to decline since the term of the brilliant when we were there. We talked about some common friends in my high school, that made my touched without any words. After graduated from college and scattered everywhere to experience good or bad of life, now we became to go totally differently. 

Some of my once intimate friends came back to hometown and to work for the government as a litter staff, now they come to stable down and one has got married. Whereas, someone as me, leave for the outer world, now are torturing the powerful life, sometimes feeling upset , sometimes feeling tired, sometimes feeling promiseful. My best friend now still study in school and are intend to go aboard for future study, we are all a bit envious of friends who return back and we mocked to each other, if we were back ,what could we do ? if we were back ,could we bear the slow down time and everyday too boring to do gossip to spend the time ? if we were back , then after some years later, could some of my junior classmates happened to meet me and say:”a , that`s zhenzhen!! It was disappointed ~” if we were back.. 

We could give us many excuses to say disadvantages  about hometown life , but it was undeniable that we could not get back ,we have no strength、no capability to come back, at the present, we often feel afraid of future , but we had to bite the bullet and move forward, because it time and destiny that make us go forward, in my old time and in my hometown, there is no place for me . we have no choice but just go forward. 

When will we be stopped and have a rest? Only time will know.

有人说沉溺与文字以及爱好胡思乱想的人，青春期会特别漫长
我非常的心有戚戚而又无比的羞耻
20岁到24岁，某些情绪简直到顶峰了
我当然记不得这之间发生的种种种种
却一直能感受到其中的一些色彩，仿佛永远灰蒙的天空
明明是最美好年华，却硬生生的摆出这般姿态，真是何苦
唯一值得安慰的是确实是在每一段旅程中能不停的观照出自己的缺陷
但究竟能不能通向圆满who knows
24岁开始的有段时间，天天在网上看一些命理知识
那个时候还相信因缘、相信轮回，相信命运
而现在，我也不知道该相信什么了。

生活二字过于巨大，经常的反思自省显得过于奢侈
再怎样的生花妙笔，自己的人生还是那般普通荒芜
如果你的行为老是跟不上思想
确实应该彻底的投身于纷繁的现实中，让那些没来由的青春戾气随着时间渐渐消解。
终于迈进了25岁的大槛，如果还不能自找快乐，还不能沉稳踏实点
你就自己好自为之了

你说：“我要去另一块土地，我将去另一片大海。
另一座城市，比这更好的城市，将被发现。
我的每一项努力都是对命运的谴责；
而我的心被埋葬了，像一具尸体。
在这座荒原上，我的神思还要坚持多久？
无论我的脸朝向哪里，无论我的视线投向何方，
我在此看到的尽是我生命的黑色废墟。
多年以来，我在此毁灭自己，虚掷自己。
你会发现没有新的土地，你会发现没有别的大海。
这城市将尾随着你，你游荡的街道
将一仍其旧，你老去，周围将是同样的邻居；
这些房屋也将一仍其旧，你将在其中白发丛生。
你将到达的永远是同一座城市，别指望还有他乡。
没有渡载你的船，没有供你行走的道路，
你既已毁掉你的生活，在这小小的角落，
你便已经毁掉了它，在整个世界

就当是矫枉过正的生活的一次回滚吧..